Place Holder

Everyone has one. Something to tie themselves over til they find the perfect whatever.

It could be a temp job til you finally land the job you really want.

It could be a piece of art hanging on the wall until you finally can afford that painting you’ve had eyes on.

It could be a bunch of 50s novelty print skirts that don’t quite work for you, but you keep around til the best skirt ever shows up.

It could even be a significant other, keeping a spot in your heart and life warm until the One shows up (or back up).

Whatever it is, we all have them. I spent my week quarantined (again) and spending way too much time in my head thinking about all the “place holders” I have in my life. I guess we really don’t want to be ‘without’, so we put these things/people in places we have voids so we can feel whole again.

I’m tired of all these place holders cluttering up my life.

Fun fact- I love dying my hair. I love changing it to a completely different color and trying to find “ME”. Truth is, that I found me with the coppery-red I wore for so long a few years ago. Once all these changes started, I started changing my hair as a symbolic gesture (women totally do this). But I was happiest with my hair, and with me, when it was that coppery-red. The color itself may have not had anything to do with my personal happiness, but I think it represented a time in my life for me that I was at peace with myself. I’ve decided it was high time I go back to it, regardless of my “happiness” state. I guess I was tired of saying I would go back to it WHEN I felt happy again.. I realized the pink was a place holder until I got the happy back. Silly? You bet.

So the first place holder (and what is holding me back..) to go is my pink hair. I miss it for sure, but I think I need a change to really help me get back to that place of happy.

I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who reads this (and my sis and my other “parents”) but it’s a big deal to me. Baby steps.

SONY DSC

xo

Jaye